This season of life has me a little weary tonight. It is this odd mixture of the thrill of taking part in what we think God has called us to, combined with the constant uncertainty of what exactly that might be.
I wonder how this all worked for Paul as he traveled from city to city. It seems to me that he probably never knew where he might be in a month, only that he would be helping the kingdom of God extend to wherever he was. He longed to go places, and yet God stopped him and sent him elsewhere. Surely he felt this same mixture of weariness and exhilaration swirling through his soul.
I had two encouraging conversations today that only extended some interesting possibilities. That might seem exciting, and it is, but neither yet showed enough to make either a certain option. I was listening to an old Erwin McManus message today where he was talking about sometimes the most Godly thing we can do is simply make a choice, rather than spend so much time trying to decide which is the right one. Unfortunately, the only option we have at this point which has firm possibilities is one we have decided not to pursue. (Dean…don’t panic. I’m not talking about you. 🙂 )
It seems that God closes some doors to some opportunities for us, but for others, he just leaves the fog ahead of us encouraging us to take a step or two forward at a time. It would almost be nice to have a 90 foot Jesus appear at the foot of my bed tonight…